The Gods Forgot They Made Me
by sweet-exile
Summary: How do you hurt a man who's lost everything? Warnings implied mm slash and major character death


The Gods Forgot They Made Me,  
  
"There's only one way to hurt a man who's lost everything. Give him back something broken." White Gold Wielder by Stephen Donaldson.  
  
Rating: R implied slash, violence and character death  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and perhaps it's just as well.  
  
Notes: what happed after season 2's 'Reunion'  
  
Warning: turn back all those who hope for a happy ending, it's not pretty boys and girls.  
  
Slumping onto the floor Angel buried his head in his hands; nothing he'd done had made a difference. Keeping then close had not worked too many trips to the hospital for several lifetimes, so he fired them, his family, hurt like hell to do it but he wanted them safe. Except now he didn't even have the comfort of them being out there safe and out of the war, Darla and Dru had dragged them right back into it.  
  
Following Darla and Dru had been easy keeping back well out of sight until he knew their plans. It was too late when he realised their purpose, couldn't stop them right outside Caritas, he watched them as they attacked his friends, as they killed Gunn, winced as his neck was snapped, as they dragged Wesley and Cordy into a waiting car. He was powerless to save them held back by a vampire goons and Wolfram and Hart employees.  
  
How could he have been so stupid? His arrogance had made him blind; he had done the very thing he'd sought to avoid. He had lost them, sent them away to their deaths. All his fault he hadn't managed to save Darla and now his family was gone, lost to him forever.  
  
"Angel?" The voice from the door brought him out of his thoughts. He'd been so occupied with them he hadn't noticed the approaching figure obscured by shadow but he knew that now that this voice; it's owner wasn't human.  
  
"Angel?" The shadow spoke again, the voice so familiar he almost wept. The visitor came closer stepping out of the shadows and Angel knew his instincts were true, he could see the confused look of the newly risen etched across the pale visage. He had thought he known heartbreak before but this was infinitely worse, death he could deal with but not this.  
  
"Wesley" in little more than a whisper he asked "why are you here, where is Cordelia?"  
  
"Gone all gone." Wes grinned manically; his eyes seemed to be looking everywhere at once like a man being chased. "But I'm here, still here."  
  
Speaking evenly so as not to rattle Wesley, "gone where?"  
  
"Far away where hurt and pain are soon forgotten. I watched, you know, as they killed her. Tore her apart one piece at a time. Screaming she was, such pure beauty in a simple scream, going to remember that sound forever. Because I am you know, going to live forever."  
  
"I know" Angel responded quietly he stood in front of Wesley, arms clamped at his sides resisting the urge to hug Wes never to let him out of his sight again. The dull hum from the shared blood line spoke to the demon inside snaking round the edges of his perception getting louder all the time until it was a banging drum, 'he's truly family now, it hissed, yours now forever'.  
  
Angel fought down the need to claim Wesley, tune out the drumming in his head, he needed to focus on helping Wesley, "did Darla send you to me?"  
  
"Sssh" Wesley pressed a finger to Angel's lips. "Doesn't know I'm here. I was sneaky I ran away."  
  
Wesley glanced over his shoulder to check relief on his face at the empty lobby as if he expected the full force of Wolfram and Hart to be out there and Angel thought he was probably right to be nervous, Darla would be pissed when she found him missing.  
  
"No one's there Wes, it's ok." Angel was trying his best to be reassuring but it was difficult he didn't know what Darla and Drusilla had done to Wes before turning him, but he was sure he had a fair idea; it wasn't as if Angel was a stranger to torture. The rage was boiling, as the demon inside screaming to get out, hurt those who had hurt his family, slice them till they're running red, Wesley belonged to him he would rip the off heads of everyone who had done this. While his demon raged, his soul hurt, felt pain at the loss of Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley, he was unsure at what to do next caught between the hurt in his soul and the demon's need for revenge but Wesley answered that question for him.  
  
"So cold, Angel" wrapping his arms round Angel's waist, his head resting on Angel's shoulder. "Cold" mumbled against Angel's chest.  
  
For a brief minute Angel let him rest there, taking small comfort from the contact but slowly unwrapping himself from Wesley and he realised that Wes hadn't fed.  
  
"Wes". He made Wes look at him ignoring the dark gleam in his eyes, a darkness that seemed to go on forever and a blankness reminding him of Drusilla. He couldn't afford to think about that though had to concern himself with looking after the now.  
  
Taking Wes' hand, he led him into the kitchen, took out a blood bag and heated it in the microwave, it felt good to be doing something, gave him something to focus on taking his attention away from the drumming softer now but still palpable. After pouring the liquid into a cup a handed it to Wes, who stared vacantly at him, "it's ok you can take it, will help you, make things more clear." Angel hoped that would be the case but couldn't be sure if the instinct to feed would be strong enough to brake through the confusion Wesley was experiencing.  
  
The hope held out as the cup was taken from him and he watched as Wes gulped the contents, he seemed more relaxed to Angel now and his eyes were more focused looking directly at Angel.  
  
"Feeling better" Angel asked taking the cup from him.  
  
"Much thank you."  
  
Holding Wes by the shoulders Angel guided him back into the lobby. "I think you should get some rest, we'll figure out what to do later. Right now you should sleep."  
  
Wesley nodded and they headed upstairs to one of the suites. Angel opened the door; "you should be fine in here."  
  
"Will you stay with me please Angel?" Wesley was sitting on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Of course, I just pull up a chair."  
  
Turning back with his chair he found Wesley already dozing off curled up and relaxed. Angel breathed a sigh of relief, it was good to see him so untroubled and sitting down he watched his friend sleep for what seemed like hours.  
  
| |  
  
Angel woke with a start he hadn't meant to sleep and listening hard he heard again the noise, which had disturbed him. After making sure Wesley was ok, he crept out of the suite and down the corridor to the stairs to find The Host looking anxious and worn.  
  
Angel came down the stairs to a very fidgety demon: not looking his usual dapper self.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I have to tell you something it's about Wesley, Cordy and Gunn"  
  
"I know Darla and Dru."  
  
"It's worse than that, Wesley's."  
  
"I know that too, he's upstairs"  
  
"What! Have you finally lost the thread of sanity, which kept you in the real world? He can't stay here and you can't let him be. I'm sorry but you know what must be done."  
  
"No, I won't do it! He's Wesley and I'm going to help him, no matter what I'm not going to lose him, not again. Do you understand me? Tell that to the Powers That Sat On Their Collective Asses and Let Evil Take My Family. Not going to lose him again and that's final."  
  
The Host was sympathetic to Angel's dilemma but resolute. He liked Wesley and would morn his loss and what happened was tragic but regrets were for after when the danger was over. "He can't fight what he is, no one can."  
  
"I do every minute of every day."  
  
But you're different, you have a soul."  
  
"I wish people would stop with this soul bullshit, like it makes me better somehow, elevated and beyond reproach. Having a soul doesn't make me any less a vampire or any less capable of evil. Have you forgotten I left a cellar full of lawyers to die?"  
  
"No having a soul doesn't make you less evil but the choices you make do. Letting Darla and Drusilla have their massacre was a terrible thing and you're going to have to live with that guilt but it should not diminish the good you've done, the good you've all done, you, Wes, Cordy and Gunn. You can't help Wesley not anymore he's gone; it's time for you to let him go. Don't torture yourself because you can't save him from himself"  
  
"I am going to save him, whatever it takes I'm going to make up for not being there to save them, he's family. If you're not going to help me you can go, we don't need you."  
  
Angel spun round to head back up stairs trying to block out what The Host had said, he had no right to tell him what to do and was half way up the flight when his final words reached him.  
  
"Ok but there's going to be a lot of 'I told you sos' before this is over, you know where to find me when you're ready to listen."  
  
Angel turned back but The Host was gone, he was glad, he knew where he was needed and it wasn't arguing with overdressed demons. He met Wesley at the door; he looked better but agitated.  
  
"Angel, where were you? You said you'd stay."  
  
Angel sat down his chair looking at Wes as he took up his position on the bed. "I know, I'm sorry but there was someone down stairs."  
  
"Oh no" Wes was panicked. "Who, not them, not for me?"  
  
"It's ok just The Host he was concerned." Angel stretched over to grasp Wesley's hand.  
  
"He wants you to kill me? I'm evil, I need to be destroyed that's what he said wasn't it?"  
  
"That about sums it up, yes but I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again. I've lost too many people you're not going to be one of them."  
  
"Why are you doing this? The Host's right you should kill me"  
  
Angel moved onto the bed and took Wes into his arms, "I'm doing this because you're family, you belong to me, I should have protected you better, this is my fault and I'm going to fix it."  
  
Wes nuzzled closer into Angel's chest, "family, we really are, you know, brothers in arms. You asked me earlier why I was here."  
  
Angel stroked Wes' hair, "you don't have to talk about anything you're not ready for."  
  
"I know but I want to. I'm here because you're all that's left, our family's gone. I was forced to watch as they murdered Cordelia, tied to a table, screaming as they stuck her with the sharp, shiny metal objects, so very shiny but not for long." Wes giggled in-between deep sobs, "soon they were covered in Cordy's sweet blood. I watched as they licked the blood from the implements, they smeared it on my face, opened my mouth and forced me to lick the blood, Cordy's blood, there was nothing I could do, I'm sorry Angel so sorry."  
  
Wes was sobbing now uncontrollably into Angel's chest, "do you know what's worse? If she where here now I don't know if I could stop myself from ripping open her veins to taste that blood again."  
  
The Host's words came back to him, "you can't save him from himself." Angel was determined that this would not be true. "I understand but I'm going to help you, you can learn to fight down the urges. Wes it's ok I'm here for you."  
  
Wesley looked up at him through tear-laden eyes, "what are you going to do now?"  
  
"Right now I need to go out, if you feel up to it you can come too."  
  
"No, no I'm not ready for excursions yet, don't know who's watching."  
  
"Alright, but if you need me I've got my cell."  
  
At that Wesley smiled, reminding Angel of the old Wesley and it gave him hope, "but Angel you can't use it."  
  
"I know but I thought it would be reassuring."  
  
"I'll be fine go."  
  
And Angel was gone.  
  
| |  
  
It was good to be out, away, to clear his head; he was half glad that Wesley decided to stay behind but was loathe leaving him. His demon crawled it's way up to the surface whispering, niggling him with thoughts of family, shared blood and of returning to the hotel to claim Wesley truly as his and only his. It took all the self-control he could muster to keep going. Didn't know where he was going but the increasing distance between him and the hotel felt right for now.  
  
The realisation he was being followed stopped him dead, spun round to face Darla and Dru.  
  
"What do you want?" Angel tried to keep his emotions in check the anger he felt at these two for hurting his friends was hard to repress.  
  
"Oh daddy's not pleased I think he wants to spank us, we naughty girls." Drusilla smiling at him with those same dark eyes Wesley now had. Angel had done unspeakable things to Dru, he understood that Wesley had not told him everything that happened and if it was anything similar to his torment of Dru he didn't want to know. He didn't think he could handle that, not yet.  
  
"Dru honey, of course he's not pleased but that's not our concern, we've lost something important and we need to get it back. I wonder Angel have you seen it or does that pleasure still await you?"  
  
"I know what you did to him" Angel was right up in Darla's face but she laughed seeming to enjoy the confrontation.  
  
"I knew it, Dru did I not say that our new toy would go back to Angel? I hope you're treating him well he's very precious to us."  
  
"He's staying with me."  
  
"But Angel, he's not yours to keep. I think you'll find he's my childe if you don't return him I'll just have to fetch him myself but until then I hold you responsible for his safety. Lets hope he's still there when you get back it's a dangerous world who knows what could happen while you're here with us."  
  
The realisation dawned on Angel, pushing past Darla and Dru he sped back to the hotel with Darla's laughter ringing in his ears.  
  
Angel burst through the doors of the Hyperion at a run "WESLEY, WESLEY!" No answer, //damm why is he not answering?// Running up to the suite, found it empty, "Wesley where the fuck are you!?"  
  
Angel rampaged through the hotel, couldn't find Wesley and by the time he got back to the lobby he was burning with rage //stupid childe why didn't he listen, no respect for his elders// to be replaced by worry //what if someone from Wolfram and Hart took him? Should never have left him alone// at which point the rage returned swearing revenge on all those evil lawyers, he would rip them to pieces.  
  
Angel shot up about 2ft in the air when the phone next to him burst into life. Grabbing the receiver "Wesley, where are you, can't you stay in one place, are you alright?" All tumbled out at once.  
  
"Angel calm down" The Host was on the other end. "Wesley's here, said something about people after him and he felt safe here."  
  
"Of course the sanctuary spell" clever Wesley he should have realised. "Is he ok not hurt?"  
  
"No seems fine, he's sitting in the corner nursing a single malt."  
  
"I'm coming right now don't let him go"  
  
"How am I supposed to do that? I don't think he'd be interested in one of my amusing anecdotes."  
  
But Angel was gone, hadn't even bothered to hang up. The Host replaced the receiver and turned is attention back to the former Watcher, still sat facing the door, eyes flickering briefly toward the other patrons and then back to the entrance.  
  
It didn't take long for Angel to arrive he came rushing in saw Wesley and hurried over. The Host saw Wesley's demeanour change, relief washed over him as he flung his arms round Angel saying "so glad you're here, I felt so lost, I'm sorry I ran away."  
  
"Sssh it's okay, I'm not angry with you just pleased you're safe." Angel spoke gently to him like a parent soothing an upset child.  
  
The Host was reluctant to interrupt but felt he must say something. Coughing loud enough to draw Angel's attention he said "I need to speak to you it's important."  
  
"Not now can't it wait?" Angel looked irritated.  
  
"No it really can't." The Host was insistent.  
  
Rolling his eyes Angel spoke softly to Wesley. "Wesley you need to let go I have to speak to The Host."  
  
Prising himself away from Wesley, Angel followed him to the bar, as Wesley sat back down, calmer now and less twitchy than before.  
  
"Before you start I know your opinion and you're wrong." Angel poured his full fury into staring at The Host daring him to contradict that statement.  
  
"I'm not going to argue I realise there's no point. I will say one thing though I know it feels that Wesley can control his nature now but it's not going to last, how long do you think he'll listen to you?"  
  
"He will listen, he feels loyalty to me you can see that. He's still Wesley and my friend I won't abandon him."  
  
The Host sighed his patience was wearing thin, Angel was being pigheaded and wouldn't listen to reason but he still had to try.  
  
"Of course he feels loyalty and his memories are still intact so yes in that respect he's still Wesley and if this was any ordinary turning he would have slaughtered us all by now, every last vestige that tied him to humanity. You did, twice, well not so much of the killing the second time more of a firing but it boils down to the same thing. The only difference with Wes is that you're not human and he has your blood coursing through his veins. That's right your blood."  
  
"Order of Aurelius" whispered Angel.  
  
"Yes from Darla, to you, to Drusilla, back to Darla and finally to Wes. I'm assuming it was Darla?" Angel nodded in assent but said nothing. "That loyalty you spoke about so eloquently, the only thing preventing Wesley burning L.A. to the ground is you. The bond between blood and family is very strong. He craves your approval and needs you as his family, you know this: you can feel it too. Your aura's practically shouting it from the rooftops. I know you feel a deep connection to Wesley, which is why you have to kill him now before it's too late. You can't save him from himself but you can still save yourself, don't let him drag you down with him."  
  
"You don't understand, I want him, he's mine, belongs to me." Angel spat back at The Host furious now. "Just let Darla and Dru try to take him, just let them try." Angel stated grimly "just let them try."  
  
"They won't have to Wesley will go to them, Darla's his sire the bond is greater between them."  
  
"No." They were too busy in the argument to notice Wesley standing close to the bar listening quietly. "No" he repeated, "I won't leave Angel ever."  
  
Angel turned back to The Host triumphantly as if to say 'see look who's saying I told you so now'.  
  
"You're not listening to me Cordelia and Gunn are gone, Wes is all I have left. I couldn't save them or Doyle, I'm not going to lose another member of my family."  
  
Ah there it was plain for him to see, fear: the cause of Angel's pain. The fear of losing Wesley was drowning out everything else. He wanted to reach for Angel give him comfort maybe turn him from his mad path but he could tell it was too late. Angel was gone, this was much worse than his Darla obsession, Angel couldn't see the strings this time, Wolfram and Hart had really done it. Angel would follow Wesley down the dark path until Angel was no more and the world would be without a champion and that would be the end.  
  
"I'm afraid it's you that's not listening Angel." The Host tried one last time to make him see reason.  
  
"You're right I'm done listening to you" and with that Angel took Wesley by the hand and they walked out of Caritas, into the night.  
  
The Host stared dumbly after them, he had tried to help but he could do no more, it was up to Angel now and he hoped that the stubborn fool would come to his senses in time but wouldn't hold his breath. Resigned to waiting for the enviable bloodbath he busied himself with the rest of his patrons and things he could actually deal with. It would be later, alone in the quiet club when he would allow himself to shed a tear for Cordy, Wes and Gunn. 


End file.
